Small Shoes Big Steps

On top of a big mountain...

2009-09-08T23:48:00.005-04:00

Yesterday we hiked up Mount Monadnock in New Hampshire with Sam & Giana. It was a steep and rocky climb, but the peak was rather populated! The views were definitely worth the climb though. And there's nothing like eating a nice hard boiled egg on top of a mountain :).

On Two Wheels..

2009-09-01T14:51:00.005-04:00

Yesterday was a wonderful day for biking. Together with Matt and Bryan, the three of us biked along the Minuteman trail and then down to Concord. There we stopped at the North Bridge, where in 1775 the first shot was fired against the British and the American Revolution began.

It was a nice taste of how beautiful New England is and also a nice long bike ride. And I climbed another tree!

On Small Shoes and Big Steps...

2009-08-11T18:11:00.002-04:00

"Aren't I significant?" We spend our lives trying to tell ourselves and prove to everyone else that we are. I realize that sadly this is what we spend a lot of our energy on; in our offices, amongst our friends, even in our marriages we hunger to be significant to the other. ("What time are you coming home?" "You're not listening to me." "Tell me you need me.")

Since moving to Boston I realize this has been the disease God has been working at in me. As I try to 'settle' here I see myself often battling with what I see as the shrinking of the hole I left behind, and the thought of just being a very small person in this big city. ("No one reads this anyway." "God, what big thing am I going to do for you here?") It rips at my human heart because human hearts are tainted with self-importance and feed on vanity and glory.

What's funny is that this brings me back to what I drew on the board for the kids in my class at Vacation Bible School last week. I asked them, "What's so bad about sinning?" (Sadly 'being good' is the only thing some kids will remember from a lifetime of Sunday School) Sinning is doing what we want, what is good in our own eyes, not God's. I erased the word 'God' from the throne and wrote 'ME', and the kids were able to tell me why that wasn't a good idea.

Despite suffering from the withdrawal symptoms of 'attention detox', I draw comfort from the moments of clarity and the gathering under one heading of past struggles and countless episodes of emotional chaos. And also from Psalm 139 of course. (God tells us we are significant to him).

Lastly, I'm rather pleased with the thought that after several blog entries perhaps I've arrived at the real meaning of the name of my blog, Small Shoes Big Steps. Content with making small footprints and longing to take big steps for the King.

On to the next season...

2009-04-28T11:19:00.003-04:00

It's been a while since I've written anything. In the mean time it has suddenly turned summer here! (today we hit 29oC) Thought I'd show some pictures of the Boston Commons from our Sunday afternoon. It was a beautiful day :).

On Detours and Dead Branches...

2009-03-07T20:34:00.007-05:00

It's been almost 3 months now since I've made the Big Step across the Atlantic. On the map of the world I can trace it and know that I'm exactly 6 hours behind my previous life. On the map of my life, however, I don't have Google Earth to see exactly where I've been or how to get to the next destination. In the midst of adjusting to supersizes, a new church life, and being someone's wife now, I do enjoy the time to be quiet and the chance to make decisions about new things rather than a life of dealing with existing circumstances. But I often ask myself what the bigger purpose is of me being here. I find myself pondering over whether this was a convenient escape from where I was, or whether it will turn out to be a really big detour, or whether this is going to be the beginning of something God has prepared me for. (Can you see the lines in my head?)

Well that was just to let you know what I've been thinking about. The other thought that's stuck in my head is the image of one of the trees we pruned today while volunteering with other MIT people. We were on the banks of the Charles river, on a beautiful sunny day, surrounded by people with good intentions. I welcomed the outdoor manual labor and my mind was lazy to ponder the much used metaphor of our lives being pruned to produce more fruit. (One must not think all the time.) When we got to the last tree, however, it wasn't a case of pruning some branches here and there. Most of the tree was dead, with young and thin branches sprouting to one side, but above that the whole upper trunk of the tree had to be sawed off. My mind awoke and the image stuck like a magnet. I thought, how's that for a pruning metaphor? What would that look like? Is that what I need? Secretly I rejoiced that our supervisor did not declare the whole tree a lost case, and in my mind a picture grew of a somewhat lopsided healthy tree...

On a Snowy Mountain...

2009-02-10T23:04:00.002-05:00

On Growing Up...

2009-02-09T16:32:00.002-05:00

Well the plants are all doing fine and surprisingly I can even see my oregano and basil seeds germinating already.

After seeing the doctor again today for my stomach pain, Matt and I had lunch on MIT campus. While eating my sushi, I was occasionally distracted by 2 girls in the distant right, chatting away and laughing over lunch and homework. Like me, they were both Asian, yet obviously about a decade younger and enjoying their student life away from home. My thoughts wandered to my own student days in Edinburgh, and my feeling was one of deep questioning of what I had done with my opportunities, whether I felt regret about paths taken, and how often God had let me taken my chosen paths while earnestly waiting for me to grow up.

Although I'm sure in God's eyes I am still small, I look back and see that He has helped me to learn He is bigger. Greater than I would have ever imagined. He has drawn for me a map so much wider than my own circle. He has become my one true reference point in seeing and understanding myself and the world. He defines me.

On Repotting Plants and Marriage...

2009-01-25T20:17:00.007-05:00

As I was repotting my new baby plants from nursery size to 6" pots last week, I thought about how they were taken out of their snug little pots. I loosened the old roots and shook off the dry soil on the edges, so that hopefully they would grow into the new soil. Over the next couple days the little plants fight hard to survive and adjust to its new environment. Slowly I also began to reflect that the beginning of a my marriage is somewhat like a plant being repotted; being taken from my old life and being planted into a bigger life shared between two people. It needs a lot of nurture and adjustment and a lot of water!

Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD
And whose trust is the LORD.
For he will be like a tree planted by the water,
That extends its roots by a stream
And will not fear when the heat comes;
But its leaves will be green,
And it will not be anxious in a year of drought
Nor cease to yield fruit.

Jeremiah 17:7-8

PS: Here is part of my new life if you're interested (another blog I started):
http://nocookiesbeforedinner.blogspot.com/

New things...

2009-01-16T14:03:00.002-05:00

On Blogging... (A Preface)

2009-01-15T17:18:00.005-05:00

Having posted several times now on this new blog of mine, inevitably the concept grows to become something I need to reflect on. So far I've been trying to tip toe through the complexities of "publishing" my life while trying not to think about the (somewhat exaggerated) issues of distorted truths, the public self, exhibitionism, vanity, or solipsism, to name a few outrageous ones. (Be assured—you don't need to try and find those things back in what I've written so far because any blog entry attempts that were dragged through those issues in my head never make it through, they end up being unwritten or not yet written.) Of course I'm probably making the act of blogging a bit too complex, and this is hardly the update from 'the girl who moved away' you'd wish for, but having had some experience in battling with 'reality' over Internet in what used to be a long-distance relationship, this is my very round-about way of saying that I will try to be as real as I can :).

Another reason for this Preface is to let you know that this is also partly a writing exercise for me, and you are the only audience I have at this point. So happy reading! (and writing back if you like)

2009-01-13T11:20:00.004-05:00

After a couple weeks of cut and pasting things and a lot of deleting too :) our apartment is getting more organized and livable. It feels good to be able to settle down somewhere after half a year of nomadic living. Here is a short video of our apartment which I made for my parents to see, so the narration is in Cantonese :) Enjoy!

2009-01-11T07:01:00.005-05:00

Celebrating our wedding with Matt's friends over a casual lunch :)

2009-01-07T23:35:00.004-05:00

The days are rolling by and it has already been 3 weeks since landing on this side of the Atlantic. I've been meaning to write or draw a little bit on this tiny spot I've created on the Internet, but the goodbye's were sad and the depth of them and everything else happening was too difficult to formulate into words. So I've been busy with continous attempts of covering the deep holes with lots of scrubbing and snow-playing and assembling Swedish furniture, and indulging slightly in the helplessness of being a foreigner who knows nothing and has no responsibilities (yet). But while hibernating, thoughts and questions creep in about what the next season will bring...

2008-12-29T15:17:00.000-05:00

2008-12-27T22:09:00.001-05:00